Day 22 - April 27, 2011

A Letter to Someone Who Has Hurt You Recently

I've been running behind on this, and I apologize.  Finals start in two days, and I had a huge physiology project worth 200 points due yesterday.  It has been extremely crazy busy around here.

I was also suffering a little writers' block when it came to this topic, so I didn't even have something prepared that I had finished earlier and could just post on the day it was supposed to be posted.  Of course, that's a good thing I guess.  Things have been pretty good lately.  Some things could be better, like the topic I'm getting to...but nothing new had happened in that situation of late.  Until today, that is.  Yeah.  I'm definitely about to vent....without names mentioned of course. And the concerned person probably will not even read this because I don't think he even knows about this blog.  Ha.  Even better.  

To You:

It took a long time to peel back the layers that you wrap yourself in to keep people from getting to know the real you, but once I did, I truly felt like you became one of my best friends.  You were there for me, you were always here to talk to.  And I tried to be the same for you, especially because I knew you were going through a hard time, and I could relate to the situation.  I'd been there before too, in a similar way.

So imagine my surprise when you began to shut me out, more and more.  Suddenly, almost without warning.  You started getting closer to my other best friend here, and bam!  You're with her all the time.  Don't mistake me; I'm not jealous.  I'm glad you made another friend, because it seems like that's been kind of hard for you here.  What makes me so angry and hurt is that I was there for you, and then when I needed you to be there for me most, you weren't.  You didn't listen, you didn't try to understand, and then you stopped coming around to see me altogether.  You're friends with her too, and I get that...but she lives with me.  Why, when you come to see her, couldn't you at least act like you give a shit about seeing me too?  

You sneak in and out of here like you're trying to avoid me.  You don't visit, you don't text, most of the time, you don't even say hi when we pass each other on campus.  It's almost like there was never any kind of friendship between us, and I did nothing to cause this kind of behavior towards me and towards our friendship.  It's like you just don't care anymore.  - Oh and don't even try to blame that on me again.  I have not been pushing you away.  I have been trying to hold onto our friendship for dear life, and you, sir, have been the one pushing me away.  You are always invited up here for things, and you never come unless it's someone else who invites you.  And you only include me in things when you have no one else to ask.  Don't think I'm stupid; I've definitely noticed that.

You're about to leave here for good in a few days.  I know you're not going to try to keep in touch.  After how things have been, I expect that.  I hate that thought, but I expect it.  You actually meant something to me, and I cared about you.  A lot.  You were my best friend last semester, and for the past few months, most of the time I feel like I don't even know how to act around you.  You're a complete asshole to me, and to our mutual friend, to the point that she's done.  She wants no part of you anymore because of the things that you say.  I've stood up for you almost every step of the way.  I tried explaining things and making excuses, but I finally got to the point that I just can't do it anymore.

I'm finally starting to see that you're just an asshole.  You don't care about anyone but yourself, and everything I thought I saw in you before is just an act.  You used me to have someone to hang out with because you had no one else here.  And the sad thing is, I actually cared.  Those people you call friends back home?  From you have told me, half, if not more, of them don't give a shit about you; they care about having a good time.  That's it.  You had a small handful of people that actually cared about you and would have done almost anything for you, and you have ruined it with them.

It just kills me that apparently all that time spent building a friendship was wasted.  There's only a few days left, and I don't think the things that you have said and the lack of response from you, both, can be fixed in that amount of time.  You're going to leave, and I'm going to regret that I ever wasted my time getting to know you, because now it just hurts that I lost that.  I thought I did know you, but apparently not.  Because the person that I got to know would not have acted like this.  It's like you're different now, but I suspect that it was just like this all along - you just didn't let me see it until I was no use to you anymore.

So this is it.  Goodbye.  I am trying to move on from this situation now because I know that you won't change.  If you were going to, you would have done something about it by now.  And if you actually cared about me at all, you would have fought for our friendship when I brought the issue up before.  You spend too much time apologizing and not enough time actually doing something about what you had to apologize for in the first place.  You're going to leave, and you're never going to talk to me or your other friends here again.  We both know that.  So goodbye. 

 I hope you're happy and that you will have a good life.

And I'm sorry you didn't think I was good enough to be your friend.

-Jordan