Writing Ideas, Day One

So, I've decided that since my life basically consists of going to class, studying, going to band, and then going to work right now...I need to find some things to write about.  Because my need to write is back with a vengeance, and I'm literally writing all the time now...just not always stuff that's right for the blog.

With that said, I've been looking up things to write about, and I think I'm going to try some topics that I found listed here.

I probably won't do every single topic, because there are a couple that just don't really apply to me, but I'm going to try to do two or three each week, if time allows it.

Here's the first one...

What inspires you at work? At home? At school?

At work, basically what inspires me is the need to do well and to excel.  I don't believe in doing something halfway if I'm capable of giving 100% or more.  I don't see the point in half-assing something.  I want to be proud of the work I do, even if it's something as trivial as doing food service, as I am right now.  

That really applies to everything else in my life as well.  It comes down to pride in what I do.

I'm a tad OCD.  So, my home usually shows that.  Unless I'm constantly busy and don't have time to clean, everything is always in it's place.  Lately, that hasn't been the case, because most days, I'm literally at home to sleep at night, get ready in the morning, and then I'm out the rest of the day, and things just end up where they land.  It makes it a big job on my freer days to clean up, but that's just how the cookie crumbles, I guess.

I always try to please everyone.  That rolls over into the rest of my life too, and sometimes it's not a good thing.  But with school, I want to impress my teachers, my peers, and myself.  I have had semesters when I was overwhelmed with things, sometimes school-related, sometimes not, and those points in my school career don't really demonstrate who I really am.  They demonstrate the average or below-average version of myself that I really don't like and strive to be better than.

And, as with everything, it also comes down to pride in my work.  

When I don't do well at something that I know I'm capable of doing better at, I tend to get really down on myself, and it turns into this horrible downward spiral until I'm feeling so bad about myself that I just can't function.  These downward spirals don't happen often, but when they do, it's awful.  And they're not always obvious to anyone but myself.  I've become pretty good at hiding it over the years.  But then there are times that I get so depressed that anyone can see it, and those are the worst.  

But then I realize how stupid I'm being.  At which point, I pick myself up, I reorganize my mind, I take a little me-time to kind of wipe the mental slate clean...and then I get back to work.  

I guess it's a good thing that my inspirations are mainly my pride and my need to please.  Without them, I would have much lower expectations of myself and wouldn't achieve nearly as much as I have.  Without them, I wouldn't have such a big reason to reanimate myself when things get too hard and I shut down mentally and emotionally.  They give me a reason to pull myself out of whatever funk I may be in and give me something to focus on until I can be okay again.

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